Letter From Riley To Zach

Dear Zachary,

I hate Mom. She says I have to hand in my man card and apparently that is pretty funny to her.

I also hate The Little Cat. It is all The Little Cat’s fault.

Which, did I mention, The Little Cat has claws? Really sharp claws, which I do not?

And that it stalks me?

Ben and Gabe got home from going to the mountains and they unloaded all the food and the cooler and Ben put The Little Cat in the cooler because you know that sick little skulker likes to get in any new box or bag or anything new and it was in the cooler and I did not know this important fact and I smelled into the cooler poking my nose into a little crack of the lid which was open from which really awesomely good smells of food and stuff were coming and while I had my nose stuck deep into it…The Little Cat put her paw out of the cooler and swiped me.

I wasn’t sure it was The Little Cat at first and thought I might have just bumped my nose on something and the cooler did smell so wonderfully of food that I went back to the crack and as I was putting my nose towards it The Little Cat pounced out - she POUNCED ME, I tell you - and startled me.

I walked quickly away from the cooler because on second thought I decided it was kind of stinky and I did not like the smell of it any more. Mom was laughing at me because she said I was afraid of The Little Cat but I was not, truthfully, the cooler on second thought just did not smell that good. It smelled like Little Cat Pounce Tricks and the last time I intersected with a cat’s claws, you will remember, was the time I got blood, well, all over the house.

(Literally, Dad says is the word I should use here. He said it louder: “Blood Literally Everywhere.”)

So I walked away kind of quickly (Mom is still laughing and she says I bolted but I did not) and kind of coughed (Mom says I yelped in squeaky terror but I most definitely did not do that either) to show The Little Cat that I thought its pounce tricks are stupid and now I am behind the couch and The Little Cat is looking for me and Mom is laughing and laughing and says I have to hand in my Man Card.

Whatever that is.

So if you have an extra one will you please send it to me because I have a feeling it is something important I need to show The Little Cat that it is not the boss of me.

On second thought it might be a good idea to send two in case I lose the first one. I mean, in case I drop it somewhere, not in case I have to give it up, which I would never do. Unless The Little Cat keeps looking at me like that in that taunting way. Do you think The Little Cat looks a little like a clown? Tell it to stop looking at me and looking at its claws!

Or send an extra one in case I need to give it to Mom so she can stop laughing and breathe again. Because I’m a Big Tough Dog but I’m just nice that way.

I miss you and can’t wait to see you.
Love,
Your dog,
Riley